Sunday, May 3, 2009

Fortune Cookies

Remember way back when?

When fortune cookies had fortunes in them? You know, rather than, like, compliments?

I was sitting at Panda Express in San Bruno today, after picking up my new bifocals from the wondrous place that is Sears, and I ordered an egg roll. They gave me a fortune cookie with it.

First of all, why the hell does ordering an egg roll qualify you to get a fortune cookie? That seems like a cop-out. Maybe it's just me, but fortune cookies should be given to those who actually paid for an entire meal, unlike myself.

Second of all, the fortune said, "Your presence livens up any conversation".

When did fortune cookies stop having fortunes inside them? They're always like, "You have an exceptional gift for storytelling", or "Your hair looks nice today". I thought fortune cookies were supposed to have, you know, fortunes. They're supposed to say stuff like, "You will soon come into a great deal of money", or, "In just one month, your penis will double in size".

Maybe it's just me, but I liked that old sense of mysticism that was applied to fortune cookies. With these new dumbass compliments, that mysticism is a bit lost. Who knows, it probably serves me right for eating at Panda Express. Or going to Sears. Or even being in San Bruno at all.

With all due respect,

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