Thursday, February 4, 2010
It has come to my attention in recent years that I do not like people to hear me urinate in public restrooms.
Before you exclaim, "BUT WILDER, SUCH A THING IS INEVITABLE!" I quickly backhand you and tell you to speak when spoken to.
I am aware such a thing is inevitable. In fact, if I saw someone go into a stall next to me, heard them unzip their fly, and then A BOUT OF SILENCE, I would be very worried, for that would mean that ROBOTS HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OVER OUR PLANET. So I can only imagine that people are either frustrated with my lack of sound, or very concerned and looking for the right moment to switch me off.
I do my best to create a silent experience for reasons I don't understand. Maybe it is because, in essence, pee is gross.
That's really all I have to say today. Go back to your business.
AND PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET ANYONE HEAR YOU URINATE.
With all due respect,