Thursday, February 4, 2010

Public Restrooms


OH, FOLKS.

It has come to my attention in recent years that I do not like people to hear me urinate in public restrooms.

Before you exclaim, "BUT WILDER, SUCH A THING IS INEVITABLE!" I quickly backhand you and tell you to speak when spoken to.

I am aware such a thing is inevitable. In fact, if I saw someone go into a stall next to me, heard them unzip their fly, and then A BOUT OF SILENCE, I would be very worried, for that would mean that ROBOTS HAVE FINALLY TAKEN OVER OUR PLANET. So I can only imagine that people are either frustrated with my lack of sound, or very concerned and looking for the right moment to switch me off.

I do my best to create a silent experience for reasons I don't understand. Maybe it is because, in essence, pee is gross.

That's really all I have to say today. Go back to your business.



AND PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LET ANYONE HEAR YOU URINATE.

With all due respect,
Wilder

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