Friday, June 12, 2009

Arclight Cinemas


Ok, so, I really hate the Arclight.

Like, I realllllly hate it.

I returned from yet another $14.50 movie a couple days ago, and all I want to do is share my hatred with the world.

1)
The price is simply unacceptable. $14.50? FUG that. Totally not ok. I like the other theater near my house that charges $6. That one's great. And there's only been one shooting in the time I've been there.

2)
I hate the design. If you've been to the Hollywood one, you should know what I mean when I say I feel like I'm walking through the halls of the Titanic.
And that's never a good feeling to have. I want to be at ease when I see a movie, not expecting at any minute the walls to collapse under the weight of the water and drown in the lower level of an enormous theater in Hollywood. All the walls are so elaborately designed, it's just disconcerting. I expect British gentleman to be smoking pipes outside the showroom talking about how they were yet again inconvenienced by poor people.

3)
I hate the people that "introduce" the movie. They are just plain irritating.
"Yeahhh, National Treasure 2. Sweeeet. Who saw National Treasure 1? Woo!"
Totally unnecessary. Completely annoying.
And this particular time I had a guy who didn't know jack shit about the movie he was introducing. I was seeing Away We Go (It's great, you should check out my review on The Movie Wach) and he said this:
"Alright, guys! So this movie stars John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph! This has been a big year for Krasinski, what with T4: Salvation and all."
NOPE.
It hasn't. At all.
John Krasinski was not in T4: Salvation. First of all, the movie is only called Terminator Salvation. Secondofly, John Krasinski is not even in any movies remotely resembling Terminator. Christian Bale is in Terminator. He plays the character John Connor, so maybe that's where the confusion comes from.
I suppose this is an acceptable mistake if you are just someone saying it on the street, but not when you are someone who is supposed to know what the hell you're talking about. It's your job. I didn't even want to listen to him say things that are correct, let alone just make shit up.

4)
I hate assigned seating. I even fly Southwest so I can pick my own seat. I don't want someone else to get a seat directly next to me, and then be obligated to sit there, as with the man that sat next to me at this particular show. There were like ten people in the theater.
I got up and moved, claiming I had accidently sat in the wrong seat.
Weirdo.

5)
Even after I validated my parking, I still had to pay three dollars.

That's that. I hate the Arclight, and I intend not to go ever again.

With all due respect,
Wilder

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Coupon Runs

Webternets -

Here's a story.

I work at a restaurant called Vitello's. It was a fairly large restaurant, and I worked there exclusively for some time. Recently, Vitello's opened up two new locations, Vitello's Express, and Sweet Harts, a deserterie. For Sweet Harts, I have been doing coupon runs. I go to schools, and hand out coupons for free stuff for the youth of our nation.

Also, I'm kind of an idiot.

Like comedian Mike Birbibiliography, I don't really have an "on-deck circle" for ideas. When a sentence comes into my brain, there is no time to think about it, it's just BATTER UP.

So I'm at my old middle school, and I'm handing out coups. Soon enough a woman with blonde hair comes storming up to me, exclaiming, "Excuse me! Excuse me!"

I turn to her.

"Yes?'
"What do you think you're doing?"
"I'm passing out coupons."
"You can't do that here! This is school grounds!"
"But... I'm passing out free stuff. I'm not selling anything."

A pause. Then my brain allows me to say this:

"You want one?"

The woman explodes into a fit of angry huffing, and storms away. Probably not the best choice of words.

Later after my run, I'm driving away, and I see a group of about 12 girls from the school sitting on a lawn in front of a house. I drive up to them, roll down the window, and look out.

This is already creepy.

Then my brain allows me to say this:

"I've got something sweet for you girls!"

The girls immediately look horrified, and turn and run into the house.

I understand I'm an idiot, and start yelling, "Wait, no come back! It's free! I mean, you can have a coupon! Wait!"

I've never said anything remotely like that sentence in my entire life. Something sweet? What is this the fifties? While I was on school grounds, all I said to people was, "free yogurt?"

Fail. Fail, fail, fail.

With all due respect,
Wilder

Monday, June 1, 2009

The Best TV Ever

Hello internet.

I am a movie guy. Not a TV guy. Therefore, I don't watch a lot.
The following is a list of the only TV shows worth your time.


1) Arrested Development
This is the number one best TV show of all time.



2) L O S T
Only a year until I can go back to living my own life.



3) The Office
Both versions. I prefer the American.



4) Extras
Ricky Gervais might be the funniest man of all time.



5) Chuck
If you watch the first season, and move on to the second this show is so beyond awesome. The first season goes slow, and has no real direction, but the second kicks a considerable amount of heineker.



6) Firefly.
Why did FOX have to cancel two of the best shows ever?



7) Castle
This show is about Nathan Fillion being lovable.



8) Dollhouse
Not the best ever, but fun. Wait til you get to Alan Tudyk's episodes. Weeee.

I hope you took notes.

With all due respect,
Wilder